The Karate Kid Needs To Grow Up!
The Karate Kid has, for some reason, been on TV a lot over the past few weeks. I don’t know why and I don’t care. All I know is, I’m going to watch it when it’s on. Recently, something struck me as odd about our buddy Daniel-san. What struck me that this kid must be the biggest douche in the world. After ignoring my wife and children and thinking about it for most of the day, I found myself coming up with reasons that backed up this theory. So, here they are:
The kid has no friends. Zero. None. EVER. Throughout the entire trilogy. Now it’s understandable in the first movie, because he just moved from a different city, so sure, it would take time to meet people. But he doesn’t meet people. In fact, he almost immediately starts getting his ass handed to him on a daily basis by, what seems like, the majority of the school. He must have done something to provoke the crap kicking he is always on the wrong end of. And remember, even in the second and third movies, after winning the damn tournament, he still has no friends. How insufferable must he have been after winning that? Hell, it doesn’t even seem like his mother cares about him. Where is she? Her kid is hanging around some drunken recluse who essentially lives in the building’s storage shed, and this doesn’t raise any flags for her at all? Even after she finds out he’s getting punched out daily, she still doesn’t care. She knows he’s a clown.
As for the girls, yeah sure, he got Elizabeth Shue in the first one, which is a nice get but remember, he was new and mysterious, chicks dig that. We find out almost instantaneously in the second movie that she dumped him the first chance she got. In the same movie, he meets the girl from Okinawa, but honestly, where is that going to go, he’s the mysterious guy again? In the third movie, word about what a douche he is must have gotten around because the girl friend zones his ass right away!
Now to the second movie, we start to get a glimpse into what makes this the kind of dude people hate. It starts with the mailman delivering a letter to Mr. Miyagi, but doesn’t really know how to pronounce his name correctly, to which Daniel pipes up and gives the mailman attitude while correcting him. It’s cool though, it’s not like he butchered Miyagi’s name the first three or four times he said it in the first movie, except yeah, he did.
Let’s drop Daniel in Poland and watch him bang out those names correctly in the first shot. Fool. Then they travel to Okinawa, where yes, Miyagi has serious beef with some other karate dude, but the moment Daniel and Miyagi land, the kids that pick them up from the airport already hate Daniel. The next instance is after Miyagi’s father dies. They have the ceremony where they put floating lanterns on the water. Obviously Miyagi goes first, but who goes next, the lady that has been taking care of him for years, and recently while he has been on his death bed? A close friend or family member? No no, here comes Daniel from the back of the pack and drops his in the river. Dude didn’t say a word to the old dying guy and was in the country for less time than it took him to travel there, but sure bud, I’m sure you’re devastated and deserve to go before everyone else.
To the third movie, we have two grown ass men now trying to destroy this kid. Grown ups. How much of a total ass clown must this kid be for two adults to spend the majority of their time plotting his demise? And once again, Daniel has no friends to help him or have his back. All this time, all this fighting against the so called bullies and……..no one! All of this has to lead one to believe that whatever beating Larusso took over the course of the films was surely deserved. Maybe if he wouldn’t walk on the balls of his feet we would all hate him a little less.